Grace Is Gone

          

            Grace is gone is a movie that talks about a father and two children in dealing with losing their wife and mother by putting off the pain of grief by starting a new journey of life.  In this movie, it showed that how the army’s family deal with their family member who had died in the world by protecting the country.

Summary
            Stanley Philips is a middle-aged retired army officer who care for his two daughters, Heidi (12 years old) and Dawn (8 years old), while his wife Grace who also an army officer serves in Iraq.  In one afternoon, two army officers visit his home and inform him that Grace had passed away in a combat.  He planned to tell the daughters about their mother’s death; however, he is unable to speak out the truth.  After which, he decided to take the girls to the Enchanted Gardens, a theme park in Florida that the girls have been wanting to visit for some time.
            The whole story revolve on how Stanley are experiencing in grief process and at the same time need to pretend that nothing had happen in front of the girls.  Stanley wanted to tell the truth by not causing any further damage to the girls.

Kübler-Ross model
            Grief affects everyone differently.  Some embrace it in an orgy of tears.  Others keep it contained within like some wild beast that must be controlled.  Still others seek to ignore it, perhaps not realizing that it is tireless and relentless and will catch up to its quarry eventually.  In Kübler-Ross model, there are 5 stages of grief and loss.

1) Denial and isolation.
            In this stage, grieving people are unable or unwilling to accept that the loss has taken place.  They may believe that they are just experiencing a bad dream and the loss is unreal and they believe that everything will be fine once they “wake up”.  In this stage, they will deny the truth and it is the a defence mechanism that buffers them from the loss.  They will block out words and hide themselves from the fact.  This is a temporary response that carries people through the first wave of pain.
For example, Stanley did not admit that Grace had passed away as he at first stunted when received the news of his wife dead and did not allowed his girls to eat the foods that are left by the kind neighbour after they knew on the unfortunate event of Grace. When Heidi knew about her mother’s news, she thought that this is a joke told by his father. 

2) Anger
            After people, have passed through denial and accepted that the loss has occurred, the pain re-emerge.  The intense emotion is redirected and expressed instead as anger.  The anger may aim towards at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family.  Anger may also can be divert to the person who has been lost.  Rationally, they know the person is not to be blamed.  Emotionally, they feel anger at the loss and the unfairness of it as the person cause us in pain for leaving us.  Feelings of abandonment may also occur.   
For example, Stanley are angry in scolding Heidi and Dawn for eating the food and pushing them out of the house.  Heidi was also beat his dad after she realize that it was not a joke and she blame everyone that letting her to experience it. 

3)      Bargaining
            In this stage, people beg their “higher power” to undo the loss by making a deal in any attempt to postpone the inevitable.  This is a weaker line of defence to protect us from the painful reality by involving promises of better behaviour or significant life changes will be made in order to exchange for the reversal of the loss. 

4)      Depression
             In this stage, people confront the inevitability and reality of the loss and their own helplessness to change it.  In this period grieving people may cry, experience sleep or eating habit changes, or withdraw from other relationships and activities while they process the loss they have sustained.  People may also blame themselves for having caused or in some way contributed to their loss, whether or not this is justified.
There are two types of depression are associated with mourning.  The first one is a reaction to practical implications relate to the loss.  Sadness and regret predominate this type of depression.  We worry about the costs and burial and, in our grief, we have spent less time with others that depend on us.  The phase may be eased with just simple clarification and reassurance.  Grieving people may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kinds of words to overcome this stage.  The second type of depression is more subtle and private.  It is a quiet process of preparation to separate and farewell our loved one.  Sometimes all the grieving people may be really need is just a hug.
For example, Stanley, Heidi and Dawn hug each others in the beach after Stanley had told both Heidi and Dawn about their mother death.  By hugging, they feel that they are helping and have one and another that can support them to pass through this stage. 

5)      Acceptance
             Finally, people entered the last stage of grieving process which is acceptance.  At this stage, they have processed their initial grief emotions and are be able to accept that the loss has occurred and cannot be undone, and are once again bounce back to their normal daily life and ready to be able to plan for their futures.
Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded by everyone.  Death may be sudden and unexpected as grieving people never see beyond own anger or denial.  However, it is different from the loved one who are diagnosed with terminal ill diseases.  In such situation, family and also the patient may be aware on their own impending death and the physical decline may be sufficient to produce a similar response.  Their behaviour implies that it is natural to reach a stage at which social interaction is limited.  The dignity and grace shown by our dying loved ones may well be the last gift of the patient to the family members.  In this phase, it is marked by withdrawal and calm.  This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.
For example, Stanley, Heidi and Dawn attending on the Grace’s funeral may indicate that they have accept the Grace death.  In the end of the movie, Heidi was given a speech in her mother’s funeral did showed that she had accept the fact and will move on their life and left her mother in their memory. 

Contrast       
              Death and its aftermath is such a painful and disorienting time. I understand why people — both the griever and those witnessing grief — want some kind of clearly stated road map, a clearly delineated set of steps or stages that will guarantee a successful end to the pain of grief. The truth is, grief is as individual as love: every life, every path, is unique. There is no predictable pattern, and no linear progression. Despite what many “experts” say, there are no stages of grief.
Ms. Ross, the author of the grief process identified this five common experiences, not five required experiences. Her stages, whether applied to the dying or those left living, were meant to normalize and validate what someone might experience in the swirl of insanity that is loss and death and grief.  The  purpose of the stages of grief were not meant to tell you what you actually will feel, what you should feel, and when exactly you should feel it. They were not meant to dictate whether you are doing your grief “correctly” or not. They were meant to normalize a deeply not-normal time. They were meant to give comfort. This process of grief was meant as a kindness, not a cage that restricted on what others feel.  

             There is no set pattern, not for everyone and not even within each person. Each grief is unique, as each love is unique. There are no stages capable of containing all the experiences of love and pain. There are no stages of grief. Aside from just being anger, fear, peace, joy, guilt, confusion, and a range of other things might also have occurred. You will flash back and forth through many feelings, often several of them at once.  Sometimes people will be tired of grief and will wanted to turn away. They will also turn back and forth as grief has a rhythm of its own.  Your love, and your grief, are bigger than any stage could ever be.  People who had experience bigger grief, they are more likely not just in experiencing the common five stages and maybe more than that. 

Conclusion
              In a conclusion, people spend different lengths of time working through each step and express each stage with different levels of intensity.  The five stages of loss do not necessarily occur in any specific order.  We often move between stages before achieving a more peaceful acceptance of death.  Many people are not afforded to have the luxury time to reach this final stage of grief. 
The death of loved one might inspired us to evaluate our own feelings of mortality.  Throughout each stage, a common thread of hope emerges.  I believe that as long as there is life, there is hope and as long as there is hope, there is life.  It is normal that people did not experience all the stages of grief.  I believe this is because that this stage of grief model is just a form of reference that not everyone must go through every one of them as it is just helping people in gaining more understanding and know on how to place themselves into the right context. 

            This also reminds me on my close blood related who had passed away recently.  Although I am not really closed with my grandfather as I am not staying with him; however, I did feel sad when I am being forced to face the truth.  I did experience in depression and acceptance and did not experience the others as my grandfather had been diagnosed in terminally ill for a period of time and we did prepare it both mentally and physically; however, I am still shocked when I knew that he had passed away out of the sudden.  My experience supports with the argument that experts had concluded as each of us have different way in overcoming grief as it is a unique process. So, do Stanley in the movie.  We need to remember that there is no “closure.” Grief is part of love, and love evolves. Even acceptance is not final: It continuously shifts and changes. The only way to contain it is to let it be free.